Teach Your Children Well

I know many parents do not want to hear a single childless guy tell them how to raise their kids. But take into consideration that this guy has helped raise hundred of kids who were dropped of at boarding schools around the world, and hopefully you will heed the following advice.

This is a very important tip for those of you with young boys. When teaching them how to use a urinal, please instruct them that talking is limited to very close friends and family. In those two situations talking should only be limited. But in no situation known to man should a child start a conversation with an adult while both are using urinals.

I give this advice today after an awkward situation I was in today. I stopped at one of those large everything including the groceries stores. As I had been on the road for a couple hours, I made my first stop the bathroom. As I walked through the door, there were a couple small children blocking the entry. Their father asked them to move so I could pass by, and I thought nothing of it. Unfortunately, a minute later as I was taking care of business, when I heard a voice coming from the urinal next to me. "That was my dad out there," he began. I, not knowing exactly what was going on, just kept to my business and didn't say anything. But the little kid kept talking, as kids often are prone to do. So I finished up, zipped up, washed up and headed to the door. I think the kid still might have been talking to me as I exited the door. I was tempted to say something to the father about proper urinal etiquette or even about supervising your children in the restroom. I figured it might be more of a hassle, so I just went about my shopping.

But for you my readers, please do me a favor and have a talk with your sons tonight. Tell them that when you use the restroom the only things other than air exiting your body should be from below the belt.

As a bonus, you should also tell them that talking to guys with creepy mustaches is usually not a good idea, especially in light of the above tip. I am not saying all guys who have mustaches are creepy, but as a general rule of thumb...