But You're Not Allowed To Win

Before it becomes too trendy, I want to announce that I will be abstaining from competing at the Beijing Olympics this year. It was a tough decision, but here are my reasons:

1. China's human rights record
2. The abundance of lead in Chinese exports - if I want lead in my kids toys, I'd just buy them some hematite pellets.
3. The lack of success with the fortunes and lucky numbers I've found in fortune cookies over the years.
4. I've already been in the custody of the Chinese military once, don't want to do that again.
5. Most importantly, they have not named the board game Risk as an Olympic event. Let's face it, that is about my best shot to even have a chance at winning the gold.

Currently listening to: Monty Python - "I Like Chinese"


Anonymous said...

Such sacrifice! Such integrity!

Mickie said...

Too bad. I was looking forward to seeing you in one of those spandex outfits.

Ryan said...

Thanks Jeff. And I think you've been drinking again Mickie.